I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
