Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
