I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
