Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
