I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
