matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
