You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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