so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
