i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I AM VODKA MAN
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
