sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do herpes really smell.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
