So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
