Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my being single is dangerous.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
