All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
