I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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