i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
