this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
