If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
