I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
