He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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