areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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