um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ladies don't puke and tell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
