Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
