Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
