I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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