Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
