i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
