I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
