good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize