somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i barfeds in our rink
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
