You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
