I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
