kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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