I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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