My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
