Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
