I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
