why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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