He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
