Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina is officially offended.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
