Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
