If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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