The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
