I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i will never coherently bang her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I could fuck to npr.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
