Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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