your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
