my phone needs a breathalizer
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
