dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
