try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
