She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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