I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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