Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
