every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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