Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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