There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
