I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
