Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
