sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
