i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize