Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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