I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
