Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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