My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
