On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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