Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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