You're my little dorito
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize