it wasn't lemon gatorade
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
