Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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